Welcome to Unsetting Expectations—a newsletter for high-performing, high-achieving, perfectionist workaholics grappling with issues of never feeling satisfied, always working crazy long hours, and not feeling proud of their accomplishments, written by Franka Grubisic.
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Did you know that you can support me by buying me a (virtual) doughnut? Find out why a doughnut (and not a coffee) at the end of this issue! Thanks to each and every one of you that already has supported me this or any other way, it's so appreciated.
Note: All of my writing is published unedited, & for a reason. I want you to experience my exact, raw thought process as this ensures that you get the most open, true & honest version of me at all times. I only have one rule when writing: the pen never stops touching the paper.
Unsetting expectations is important. When we don’t feel valued, worthy, or enough — and we’ve set the standards and expectations ourselves — it’s key that we unset them.
But, in all of that, we also need to learn how to (properly) set (proper) expectations too.
To prioritise ourselves.
To talk about ourselves and our work.
To ask for what we want.
To speak up.
To stand our ground.
So, while you’re learning how to unset the high expectations of yourself, learn how to set healthy ones in the process too.
It would be nice of me to give you the recipe for this sweet & sour expectations sauce. But, what I’ve learned through my experience is, these two are not separate processes. They’re intertwined. Two sides to the same coin.
And as we’re tearing down the high walls of our expectations, we are planting a seed of internal revolution. That little fearless, loud, confident kid is closer and closer, marching towards us as we’re bringing her the light. The dreams we once had, the thoughts we once thought — they’re all here. They have always been — we’ve just hidden them with bricks and bricks which turned to high walls of expectations, which were too heavy for her.
And as you take the walls and the bricks down, you’ll start to feel more like yourself. The true, authentic you. Like everything’s in sync. You’re going to start seeing and believing that the world is yours. And it is.
But you need to be patient. You have been hiding in the dark and quiet for so long that once you come out for the first time, you’ll need a period of adjustment. Just like your eyes when you turn on the light or open the shutters after they got used to the darkness.
But you WILL feel the awakening. Something will start to feel different. And it’s a new feeling so we’re not quite sure what it is yet, but it feels good.
And as you do the heavy work of unsetting expectations, being gentler to yourself and lowering down your inner critic — that revolution within you will keep on growing. And it’s going to become louder and louder, until it fully merges with you once you see it and it becomes you. A new beginning. A rebirth.
At that moment, it will feel like it happened all of a sudden, but in reality, it’s been taking place for a long, long time. And it’s all because of your work on yourself. Because you committed to doing the things that are right for you.
So, in this journey of unsetting expectations, you will inevitably become a rebel, and set some instead. And in that, you’ll set yourself.
I hope this post will inspire you to set healthy expectations and search within - for that little someone who’s keeping all of your dreams, and give them space. How many bricks do you need to remove? Let me know by replying to this email or:
And if you're a people pleaser and a compulsive initial enthusiast, keep your eyes peeled for the next issue, when Eddie shares her story. Goes out live on Thursday, July 1st. Don’t forget to sign up to join the journey if you haven’t already by hitting the button below ⤵️
Lastly, if you’re thinking to yourself “Wow, I so relate to this, I can’t wait to read more!” and want to know how you can support me in my writing so I continue to bring great issues, this is how: by buying me a doughnut 🍩.
Why a doughnut, you may ask? Well, in my native language, 'doughnut' is spelled 'krafna', which makes it an anagram of my name; Franka. And if there was such a thing as a spirit animal, but for food, I'd be a doughnut (you know, crisp on the outside, soft on the inside, and you never know what’s gonna be on top). I’m also thinking of opening my own doughnutteria (please don't steal my name! 😅). That’s how much I love ‘em. Thanks for getting me one (or a couple!) 💛
Take good care and have a lovely week 💛